The color Pink.

To me, the color pink is the color of almost.
It's not quite red, not quite purple. It is almost.

Pink meat says I'm almost, but not quite, done.
Pink roses say I love you almost enough.

Pink is flirtation and indecision.
It is the color of my childhood blankie and beloved stuffed toy. They were almost enough to comfort me, and almost important enough to keep now that I'm older.

Pink is the color of a faint blush, an almost strong emotion.
Pink is almost enough to make one appear feminine.
Pink can almost make a statement.

And yet pink is beautiful as is, not to be disregarded or devalued. For if no one was the almost, there'd be nothing to serve as the in-between, and the transition from none to all could never happen.
Thank you Pink. You may almost take a bow.

fluffy

ok so I guess it really is time to do my homework that I've purposfully put off for 2 weeks until today, the sabboth, the day of resting and cramming in absolute boatloads of homework.
But hey, at least it's sunny outside.

2010! 2010! 2010!

2010!!!!!!
Hallelujah hosanna praise be and huzzah!!!!!!
The year is over, and a new one has begun!
New decade!

This year is going to be a big one. and a fantastic one, I'm sure of it.

Later I'll probably post something more sentimental or review of the year, but right now I just want to keep celebrating. Like the completely drunk lady on the bus said last night: "I have no idea where I am right now but I don't care!!!! Wahoo! Happy f---ing new year! Can you play some Elvis?"
She took the words right out my mouth.
I have no idea where I am right now or where I'm going next year but I don't care! It's the new year baby! Woot!!!

PS by far the spazziest post I've ever had. WONDERFUL, it's about time I spazzed a bit!!!

"We are going to pop some bubbly and celebrate being young and being ALIVE."

Thoughts of today. In recap.

In Meijer today, my friend and I browsed the toy section, and upon finding a talking Elmo doll proceeded to call people and let Elmo do the talking. Needless to say, it was very entertaining. :)

I think a part of me is growing closer to accepting the inevitable. And when I say inevitable, I mean things that will come to pass not because they have to but because I will eventually accept them in one form or another. interesting.

"The Santa Clause" is seriously one of my favorite movies. SO FUNNY. if you have not yet had the pleasure of viewing it...please. watch it.

I'm ready for college. For the future, for whatever comes next. New places, new people, new experiences--it all sounds wonderful. Even the sucky parts (aka how in the world I'm going to actually afford college) will be "the moments I remember most." *thank you Miley Cyrus*

When asked what my type in men was today, I found it difficult to respond. Brown hair? Blonde? brown eyes or green? long hair or shorter? I guess what I realized is that I'm not looking for specifics. It's the entire package.

I had a strange thought today. Upon viewing an aged version of what may be, I was more willing to consider the possibility. But again, I sell myself short. Or am I aiming too high?

Marisol posted her favorite smells. I think some of mine include the ocean salt, hay, gasoline, cedar wood, pumpkin pie and spicy candles. The other day my sister practically had to drag me out of the Yankee Candle Co. in the mall. Heaven!

Some admiration due just because I'm in the holiday spirit:
Marisol: I admire your dedication, your wit, and the way your smile bursts across your face when something is funny. It's infectious.
Lilah: I admire your ability to love deeply and also to fight for what you think is right. You're fabulously feisty.
Moon: I admire how you don't babble--you speak when there's something you actually want to say, not just to hear your own voice. I also admire your kindness. I think people undervalue this trait in you.
Christine: I admire your strength. and your ability to laugh at yourself. It's an impressive combination that naturally draws others to you.
Chloe: I admire your confidence and your honesty. It's refreshing. I admire your sense of fashion too, it really is a gift and you always look great.
Belle: I admire your courage. The way you do what needs to be done, can sit up and deal with reality while still remaining a romantic at heart.
Elle: I admire your openess with, sensitivity towards, and awareness of others. I admire your writing too, you are amazingly eloquent.
Fireflythief: I admire your acceptance and ability to be yourself in any circumstance. You are truthful, which is something people never fail to appreciate.

Keep on being fabulous ladies, love you all and let's rock 2010! woot! yay for facing the unknown of next year! huzzah for optimism!

not over till it's over

Once again, irony.
Seriously. what a joke.


PS. My take on this whole Darcy shenanigans:

I'd totally marry him because he is rich (I'd live well for the rest of my days) and a complete babe(for real, you cannot dispute this). We'd have smoldering passionate sex and when he was being a jerk I'd gallavant around the many acres of Pemberly like a wild indian and be friends with the woodland creatures. or is that snow white? hm. well I'd be BFFs with Darcy's cousin, oh what's his name, the nice cute one. Fitzwiliam maybe? anyway...he's be my emotional partner, Darcy my physical one. And when I'd get bored I'd call on Charlotte and we'd laugh at mr. Collins, although of course we'd have the fortitude not to do so in front of him. Done.

Also recall: Jane Austen was never married, so she is allowed to create men like Darcy, I suppose. Tall dark wealthy noble and handsome. Kindly towards his sister.
BUT since she was also a woman, Austen also has brains, and therefore a sense of reality. So she made Darcy an arrogant overbearing bastard, to make him believeable. Well done Jane.

And finally...anyone who watches the BBC Pride and Prejudice and doesn't completely fall for Darcy? Is this possible? Try it and see. I know I'm a gonner everytime he kindly greets her at Pemberly. ohmygodilovehimilovehimilovehim...um yeah. I'm stopping now.

Watch me end up with a blonde. psht figures.

A really big IF

If I go to college far away, I promised myself I would send out that letter.
And I stick to that. If I leave the state for school next year, I will finally set things straight.
I will be 100% honest, regardless how hard it will be.
I'll regret it forever if I don't.

But I'm scared.

Saving Fish From Drowning

Looking at pictures reminds me of all that I could have been, can still be, and may yet become.
Sometimes a picture captures what no label or memory ever could. Other times, a picture is just one snapshot of a single, fleeting, meaningless moment.

When I see the cover of the book I'm reading, Saving Fish From Drowning, I am reminded of myself.
A fish in an ocean flailing about, terrified of drowning, waiting to be rescued. Wanting to escape the ocean surrounding me. Feeling trapped underwater.
But what I don't know is this: as soon as I am pulled from the waves, I'll suffocate.
I need to open my gills in the water I'm in and learn how to breathe.
To bloom where I'm planted.

My grandma today: "Why be a beautiful woman when you could be an intelligent woman?"
Gotta love her.
Although it's sad that the two aren't often seen as partners. Most beautiful women's beauty outshines their brains. Most women seen as extremely intelligent are not thought of as strikingly beautiful. Examples: Sarah Palin-she may be beautiful, but I'm pretty sure my goats are smarter. Eleanor Roosevelt-ugly as sin, but so intelligent and kickass. FDR wouldn't have gotten far without her.
Maybe it has something to do with overcompensation.

And so I say to myself as I glance in the mirror before leaving to visit endless relatives, "Why be beautiful when I can be intelligent?" Oh I don't know...for self-esteem reasons probably.

Someday my husband will be doing the bills or something boring that British men find interesting, and will look over at me reading in the other room. We'll be older, maybe, mid-50s. He'll watch me for a second with no real emotion and think to himself: "there she is, day after day, always the same Kat. Perhaps a bit more wrinkled and heavy than she once was, but overwhelmingly the same."
He'll think:"Why did I do it? I married the girl who eats too much and exercises too little. I married the woman who doesn't clean up her own clothes and rarely does the dishes. I married the girl who never believed in Santa, but believed in cooties until the age of 12. I married a cooky cat woman, who can tame almost any stray no matter how ugly or mean. Why did I do it? My mother warned me against girls like her..."
He'll continue to think in such a way for a few moments, lost in the irony of his own life choices. but then he'll think: "I married the girl who is incapable of telling a lie without smiling or blushing. I married the girl who laughs so hard she spits out milk or has to double over for a few moments, the girl who always gets the giggles during prayer or dinner with the inlaws or other inappropriate times. I married a blonde who, although has difficulty finding her way to the local grocery store, can score higher than many men on her standardized tests. Why did I do it?"

and then he'll think: "I did it because I love her."
And I will be satisfied.

And to think...all to save a fish from drowning.